Tourniquet
by GoldenRed Phoenixia
Summary: Suicide fic, Kai muses in his final moments. Songfic to Tourniquet by Evanescence.


Um, yeah, hello. This is my first Beyblade songfiction, and also, so you know, I haven't written anything much for... heck. A year. Wow. Now that's writer's block. So if my writing is craptacular, you now know why. I must get myself back up to form. Constructive Criticism is very very welcome. Flames too, but only if they have a point in them. ^^;; And um... Christians may become disturbed... Read on at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, or "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Plot idea is mine... but since its so craptacular, I don't even want it....

  
  


~Lyrics~

Kai's POV

  
  


*****

  
  


A flash of silver flashed the air, a line of blood appeared. This was the one. This was the cut that would kill me. A small smile crossed my face, as I sank into the waters of the hot bath.

  
  


~I tried to kill the pain

But only brought more~

  
  


The memories... so many... that I've blocked. They're back, with a vengeance. I hate you, Boris. I hate you, Voltaire. You brought me to this. I hate you. 

  
  


~I lay dying

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal~

  
  


The blood has tinged the bath water red. But only tinged it. I... I'm sorry, Max, Tyson, Rei, Kenny. But you'll choose a better leader. I almost wish that it hadn't come to this. Almost.

  
  


~I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?~

  
  


So... tired, now. But still, more memories pour forth. I remember. I remember, when I was a child. I'd like to think I am joining you now, Mother. But somehow, I doubt it. You were so good, surely you are in Heaven. As for me? I don't know.........

  
  


~My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation~

  
  


Slowly, druggishly, I hesitate, and do something I haven't done for... years. Over a decade, I would think. 

I pray.

  
  


~Do you remember me?

Lost for so long...

Will you be on the other side?

Or will you forget me?~

  
  


Silence meets my unsaid pleas. But... what did I expect? What was I thinking anyway? No one is there. No one will help. Always it has been this way. Always it will be. I hate this. I hate life. I hate you all. 

  
  


~I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved? 

Am I too lost?~

  
  


What kind of person invented a deity anyway? The weak. I hate the weak. Living in their little fantasy life, I hate them. They're the oh-so-special ones, so special living in a fantasy where they are the rulers if this corrupted world.

  
  


~My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation~

  
  


If a god exists, even, he must favour people. I hate the favoured, I do. And yet, I want to be one of them. I hate myself.

  
  


~Return to me Salvation~

  
  


I hate this god. He doesn't care. 

  
  


~I want to die!~

  
  


Why can't this all end?! I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to have to face myself anymore. I don't want to wake up, feeling deadened, feeling like nothing matters. I don't want to face life anymore. I'm tired of it all. I want to die.

  
  


~My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me Salvation~

  
  


God... Why are you so uncaring, so silent? Why do you care for some, but not all? Why are these few so special, so important? Why do you leave the rest to die, alone, friendless, in the dark? And where am I? Where do I stand? 

  
  


~My wounds cry for the grave

My soul cries for deliverance~

  
  


The water is as red as my blood now. Death comes, swiftly, on silent wings. Hello, Death. Where will you take me?

  
  


~Will I be denied Christ?

Tourniquet~

  
  


I'm so tired... The water is so warm... like my blood. Like my friends. Like Mother. Slowly, despite my protests, my eyes shut...

  
  


~My Suicide...~

  
  


*****

  
  


Wow, wasn't that so craptacular? Anyways, please read and review... please? CC is welcome, flames aren't, really. If you flame me, you better have a point to it. Anyway... Press the lil button down there and tell me what you think! 

  
  


~Aurora


End file.
